The Words given by My Father That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the reality quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to take a break - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."