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As a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.

Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want completely … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.